Six Reasons Why Women Cheat
By Elaine Whittaker

It is human nature to want what we cannot have. Desiring someone's spouse is no different. Cheating was once considered to be a man's game however some may be surprised to know that in today's society women cheat almost as much as their male counterparts. Men and women have now come to an even playing field. So why do women cheat? The answer to this question varies as much as the women who do it. What is certain is that the women who engage in these extramarital trysts come from a myriad of backgrounds. They are mothers, daughters, sisters, CEO's, housewives, young and old.

It should be noted that in general women have affairs for different reasons than men. It is commonly believed that men have affairs for sexual fulfillment only. Although women have affairs for sex as well they are usually convinced to compromise their marital vows for emotional reasons. What is the reasoning behind their indiscretions? I asked various women of different backgrounds and ages why they were inclined to have an extramarital affair. These were the six most common reasons:

Lack of attention

As the years go by a wife can began to feel as if she is being taken for granted. She is expected to cook, clean the house, wash the clothes, take care of the children, run the errands and fulfill her husbands every sexual need. She feels invisible and wants to know that she is still important and desirable. As one woman put it, "My husband and I had been having problems in our marriage and he had cheated on me in the past. There was a man on my job that had been pursuing me for some time."

"What made you give in to him," I inquired.

"Well, this may sound silly but one day he went down to the local food cart and bought me lunch and he actually remembered to bring me utensils and condiments to go with my meal. This gesture meant a lot to me because when my husband would buy me lunch he would always forget to bring these things and it made me feel as if he did not care."

This may seem like a very insignificant reason for this woman to have an affair however she felt so disregarded by her husband that she fell into the arms of the first man who showed her kindness. Women respond differently than men. Any small gesture of affection, attention or emotional sentiment leaves a great impact on a woman.

There was no happy ending to this situation because her marriage ended in divorce. When asked was her affair worth the dismantling of her marriage, she stated, "If I could do it all over again I would not have had the affair. Obviously I could handle his affair better than he could handle mine."

Lack of affection
Most women become sexually responsive through their emotions. Showing affection such as hugs, hand holding, kisses and the like will incite a positive reaction from a woman. Likewise, when affection is withheld from a woman the opposite reaction is the outcome. Another woman I spoke with had similar reasons for her affair. When asked what made her decide to cross the line and be with another man, she replied, "I am an older woman now and my husband and I have been married for forty-nine years. When I was in my thirties I had an affair. My husband is a very nice man, a good provider and I don't believe he has ever cheated on me."

"So why did you have your affair?"

"I was a housewife in the '60's and living in a small town. My husband thought the way that most men in those times thought; that financial provision was the only thing a wife needed. He never asked me any questions about myself and I felt very unimportant. He believed that affection was unnecessary. In those days a wife took care of the house and the children and I had no outside life other than going out for groceries.

"So how were you able to have an affair?"

"There was a gentleman who came to town to visit his relatives and we met each other while I was in town. Although it was a small town there were many secluded places you could meet someone. He showed a lot of interest in me and the things I liked and I enjoyed that. Before I knew it I had gone too far with him. I never told my husband about the affair and I don't think I ever will. I don't think he would understand. It's something I will have to live with forever."

Sexual fulfillment
Though emotional fulfillment is the reason why most women have affairs there are many women who want just the sex. They do not want any emotional attachment or responsibility. It is for pure convenience and enjoyment. Maybe they are dissatisfied with their relationships, bored in the bedroom or maybe they simply have a high libido. Whatever the reason do not expect a love connection.

Variety is the spice of life

The reason that some women offered for cheating is that is was simply someone different. They loved their husbands, their sex life was great, and they were having no obvious problems in their marriage. So why cheat? They were looking for that high that one experiences when they are with someone for the first time. When the excitement dies they go looking for the next high.

Two can play that game
If you can do it, I can do it too. Revenge is dangerous in the hands of a scorned woman. They did everything right. They were the "perfect" wife. Yet, their husbands cheated on them anyway. Well, now it's their turn. So they go out and have an affair to get even with their husbands. Certain women admitted that being cheated on did not do much for their egos so in the end they gave their husbands a dose of their own medicine.

When opportunity knocks
Women of today have more of an advantage then they did decades ago. They are prominent members of the working world. This affords them the opportunity to meet people they would not normally meet in other areas of their lives. This includes men. In times past the only men women had contact with were their husbands. But now they come face to face with men from all walks of life. This opens the door for increased infidelity. When opportunity knocks they answer.

Of all the women interviewed the most common reason for infidelity was the lack of attention or affection. Of course, this does not offer an excuse for their actions however it gives a broader view into how women feel and think. Having a sexual relationship outside of your marriage is not the answer. Infidelity destroys marriages everyday and can wreak havoc in the lives of everyone involved. There are thousands of women who wish they could take back what they have done but they cannot. To prevent you from making the same costly mistake take the time to communicate with your spouse about how you feel. It this does not work, seek professional help, even if you have to go alone. This is about your well being. Remember only you have the power to make yourself happy.

Elaine Whittaker is co-owner of Whitt's Enterprise, LLC through which she exercises her passion for uplifting and inspiring women. She is the author of Woman to Woman: The Truth About Singleness and Marriage. Elaine is an avid reader and poetry writer and is currently writing her upcoming novel. For more information visit http://www.elainecwhittaker.com.
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