Paul Lindquist
Is there a way to determine if you are in the right relationship? Did you make an error by reconciling with your ex, but you're not yet aware of it? Many times following a separation, you are lonely and all you want is to get back with your ex. Then, after you are back with them, you start to wonder if you are in the right relationship.
Since you can't predict the future, there's no way of knowing for sure that this person is best for you in the long run. You can, however, figure out if you are in the right relationship right now.
This may or may not translate into long-term relational success, but at least you can know if you are currently in the right place.
The following questions will help you decide if you are in the right relationship at this time:
1. Does your partner make you happy? This is not to say that you need to be jumping for joy every five seconds, but are you generally content when you are around this person? If you can answer yes to this question, that is a good first step.
2. When feelings of sadness or doubt come up, what triggers them? Is it more because of your desire to be with someone else, or is it because of anxiety that you may lose the person you are currently with? If your doubt and sadness is connected to feelings of anxiety about losing the one you are with, this is another good sign that you are in the right relationship. If you often feel sadness and doubt because you are preoccupied with someone else, then you may need to re-think the relationship you are currently in.
3. Do you have a general feeling of safety with your partner in this relationship? In other words, are you certain that your partner would never harm you either physically or emotionally? Also, do you feel safe in the overall relationship-that you don't need to constantly worry about a break up?
It is important that you feel reasonably safe in your relationship. Of course, we can never know for sure what other people will do in any given situation, but you should know your partner well enough to be able to trust that he/she will not hurt you. Otherwise, you need to again question if you are in the right relationship.
4. Along these same lines, do you trust your partner not to cheat on you? This is a big one. Cheating is obviously one of the greatest killers of relationships. Do you find yourself constantly worried about your partner cheating, or do you feel secure that he/she is fully committed to you alone?
If you do worry a lot about your partner cheating when they are apart from you, this is clearly a problem. What you need to figure out is if your lack of trust in this area is well-founded, or do you just worry too much because you love him/her and are afraid of a break up?
If you find that your partner has never done or said anything that should make you suspicious, but you still worry a lot about them cheating, you need to try very hard to correct this behavior. It is likely that you are in the right relationship, but your unfounded worries about cheating will cause needless problems down the road, so you best deal with them now.
5. The final factor to determine if you are in the right relationship is;does your partner make you feel special? What are his/her priorities? Would he/she rather spend time with you, or his/her friends? When your partner is with you, is he/she paying attention to you, or is his/her mind somewhere else? You should be his/her priority in this relationship. If that is currently not the case, then you need to find out why and address this issue.
So, if you can answer yes to these five questions, you are likely in a very good relationship. Though you may have doubts at times, and your situation may change through the course of time, it is safe to say that you are in the right relationship at this time.
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